“When baby David was dressed in a cute little romper I was wondering what she had in mind for me, and I wasn’t disappointed. She had me put on a very short gingham nightdress, closing with a row of buttons in the back and with short sleeves, and even better, it came with assorted blooming baby pants. Feeling completely like a little baby girl I was overwhelmed with happiness. I flung my arms around Jenifer’s neck and hugged her very hard. She hugged me back and laughed: “I knew you would like to be my little baby girl!””
You will find the preceding chapters of this story in “categories” under “Memories”, with the different chapters in reversed order. To find the first chapter you just have to scroll down to the bottom.
The following days I longed for Jennifer to diaper me again but I didn’t dare to ask and she seemed to have completely forgotten the incident. Soon afterwards my mother came home and Jennifer’s day of return to the States approached. The day before her departure she took me apart and told me how much she had enjoyed my company. Tears welling up in my eyes I answered that I would miss her very much. She hesitated for a while in silence, and then asked if I would like to spend the coming summer with her in Chicago. I couldn’t believe my ears and without hesitation cried out “Yes”, and jumped around her neck. She smiled and after I had calmed down she told me not to get carried away too fast. It would mean I would have to become a boy again, at least during my stay over there, as we would of course meet other family members. I hadn’t thought about that and the prospect didn’t appeal. But still, if that was the price to pay to spend the summer with my big love, I would gladly pay it. We agreed that Jennifer would talk it over with my mother and then we would see.
That same evening everything was settled. I could hardly wait for the two following months to pass but finally d-day arrived.
After Jennifer had left my mother told me to stop wearing earrings and my ear-piercings had mostly closed. Together we carefully selected the wardrobe I would be taking. Although the financial situation was much better than a couple of years before we were still living on a strict budget. But without hardly buying any new clothes my luggage – consisting mostly of jeans, T-shirts and sweaters – could have been that of any other boy my age. The only new clothes were light coloured summer trousers and a blue blazer, – that I was supposed to wear on “formal” family occasions – , new shoes and boy’s underwear. I hated the plain white briefs and sleeveless shirts, but that couldn’t temper my excitement to travel to the States and the prospect to spend the summer with Jenifer.
As the day of my departure approached I was more and more in love with my beautiful cousin. When she had been in Europe I had overheard her complain to my mother that living as a woman alone with a child without husband was sometimes hard. So I imagined I would be the “man” in the household helping her to take care of little David. I calculated that when I would be 18 years old she would only be 32, and I would ask her to marry me. I promised myself that before I came back to Europe I would declare her my love and, convinced she loved me too, ask her to wait for me.
The day before I left my mother cut my hair short, and I took off the little hanger I always wore around my neck. The next day I dressed in blue jeans, and a light blue dress shirt under a grey sweater, with brown leather shoes with laces. When I looked in the mirror I was very surprised, but my cousins told me I looked very sharp and, teasingly added that all the girls would fall in love with me. With heartache I looked at the basket with bracelets and hangers that I would have to forgo from now on, but then shrugged and said I was all set to go.
Jennifer was waiting for me at the airport with little David. She took me by my shoulders and repeated over and what a good looking boy I was, giving me a long hug. I was very happy to find both of them. Jennifer was even better looking than I had remembered and little David, who by now was 9 months old, seemed to recognise me and seemed happy to see me. Taking him out of his trailer, I covered him with kisses. While the two of us were playing, a lady was looking on, and remarked to Jennifer that it was rare for a boy my age to be so interested in a little baby. I heard the remark and turned red. Jennifer laughed and answered that I was indeed different from the other boys. This remark made me very happy, as it confirmed my conviction she didn’t consider me to be in the same ways as the other boys my age. Proudly I put David back in his trolley and began pushing him towards the exit, followed by Jennifer who was pushing the cart with my luggage.
Jennifer lived in an apartment in the middle of a nice green, lake-side garden, at about an hour drive from O’Hare airport. When we got there I had been travelling for more than 12 hours, and I was exhausted. Local time was 7 o’ clock in the afternoon but for me it was 1 o clock at night. Jennifer realized I was tired and suggested I would go to bed immediately, but asked if I wanted to eat first. When I said yes she put David in his park, and installed me at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereals. At the moment I wanted to lift the first spoon she stopped me, and to my surprise showed me a children’s bib saying she wanted me to wear it to protect my sweater. I looked at her thinking she was making a joke, but she seemed to think this was a quiet normal suggestion. I couldn’t believe it and protested strongly. She seemed surprised but didn’t insist.
Ten minutes later I was shown the bathroom and asked if I wanted to take a shower before putting on my pyjamas. When I said I was too tired she said she understood and that I would catch up the next day. She helped me undress, which I found a little awkward, but I was in a kind of a daze and didn’t really realize what was going on. While she undressed me she explained it was a small apartment and I would have to share the room with baby David, which of course I didn’t mind. And then after a second of hesitation she said she hoped the bed would be big enough, as I was taller than she had remembered. Again I didn’t register really what she was saying, until we got to the room. It was a large bright, pastel coloured room. There was a traditional white rocking baby cradle standing next to the window, and next to the wall I saw a white cot bed with wooden bars. She showed me the cot and apologetically asked if I thought I would fit in. I looked at her in disbelief but she lifted her shoulders explaining that she hadn’t any place to put another bed and had decided to put David back in his cradle so that I could use his crib: “It measures 1,50 m, and you always sleep rolled up anyway, so I suppose you’ll be fine, no?”
I was never very tall and probably measured about 1,50 at that time, and did indeed always sleep with my legs pulled up, so she was probably right that I would be fine sleeping in the cot bed. I approached the bed and with Jennifer’s encouragement climbed over the side to test it. I lied down on my side and pulled up my legs. I was really exhausted so lying on the soft mattress felt great. I smiled at Jennifer and told her I would be fine. I wanted to climb out but she said I should stay where I was and go to sleep immediately. As she bend over to give me a kiss I sat on my knees and holding the side bar with both hands bend forward to receive her kiss. This called up memories out of a very distant past and I felt strangely happy. Jennifer told me to lie down so that she could tuck me in. She unfastened a small lock and lowered the side panel to the floor so that she could easily tuck me in and kiss me good night. Before I knew very well what was going on she had pulled the blanket over me, tucked it in on either side, and had pulled up the side bars again. “Good night Chrissie” “Good night Jennifer”. Two minutes later I was sound asleep, feeling in heaven.
I didn’t hear her putting David in bed and slept for 12 straight hours, and when I woke up it took me a couple of seconds before realizing where I was. The room was lit by a strong sun shining through the curtains putting everything is a soft diffuse light. I heard some soft noises coming from the cradle and realized David was awake. I sat again on my knees holding on to the side panel. I did it without thinking as this seemed to be the natural position to take, and again those vague memories from some long foregone times came back and made me feel happy. I wanted this moment to continue but at the same time was conscious this was not what I expected coming to stay with Jennifer. I climbed out of the crib and went over to the cradle where little David received me with a big smile and happy noises. He held out his arms and I took him out of his little bed. Immediately I felt the heaviness between his legs and I vaguely realized this felt good. Confused by this realization I took him to the kitchen which was still empty. I didn’t know what to do when Jennifer, still half asleep, came in: “Hey what’s going on? Why are my little babies not in bed anymore?” Smiling gently she came over and kissed both of us.
She prepared for both of us a big plate of oatmeal, placed David on his high chair, and put a bib around his neck. Again she showed me another one and suddenly the thought of wearing a bib appealed to me. I smiled awkwardly, and while she bound the bib around my neck I secretly hoped she would spoon-feed me. And indeed while at first she let me eat my oatmeal by myself while she spoon-fed David, after a while she must have sensed my jealousy because at a certain moment she began helping me too.
After breakfast she took us to the bathroom where she changed and washed the little baby while I took a shower. When we were both dressed she asked me to take care of David while she got dressed too. When she was ready she told us we would all be going to visit my grandfather. He was an 89 year old widower living on his own, with some household personnel, in the huge mansion where he had lived most of his life. The drive up there took more than an hour, and about halfway Jennifer drove over to the side of the road and opening the bag she had brought along, put a bib around David’s neck and handed him a baby-bottle. David immediately began sucking happily. And then she turned to me and without any comment handed me a baby-bottle filled with formula too, and proceeded to putting me a bib. I gasped, but then, without any comment either, began drinking from the bottle. It tasted strange, and the sucking was harder than I expected, but after a few seconds I started enjoying it. I got used to the taste and I found that sucking softly on the bottle was very relaxing.
Just before we arrived Jenifer pulled over again to take off the bibs and to put away the bottles. We were not the only visitors. My oldest niece, who lived in the neighborhood, was over with her 3 daughters, of 14, 13 and 11. All 3 stunning American beauties. Of course I was the big event everybody had been waiting for. First my grandfather was asking all kind of questions about home, school, and life in Europe. But after a while he got tired and I was turned over to the curiosity of the girls. But soon cute little David began attracting all attention, except for that of Beth, the youngest of my 3grandnieces, who seemed to be very interested in me. And to be honest I was very much attracted to her too. She was very pretty, wearing a T-shirt over high waisted shorts with a side zip, which accentuated her long tanned legs. She had dark auburn hair bound in a ponytail, and grey-green eyes, in which some lights seemed to be twinkling all the time.
Taking me very naturally by the hand she made me visit the mansion. At a certain moment, standing in front of another door, she mysteriously said, that I was not allowed to enter that room. Made curious I asked of course why not and she explained that it was only for girls. Having completely forgotten I was not a girl anymore I looked at her and in a puzzled way asked why I couldn’t go in then? She looked at me flabbergasted. I realized what I had said and turned all red and began stammering some stupid explanation, which of course made things only worse. She laughed, put her finger on my lips, took me by the hand again, and led me into the room. It was a large room filled with all kinds of toys and games for girls. Mostly dolls and dolls accessories, but also a small play kitchen, a beauty parlor, lots of dress-up clothes, … She showed me a baby doll telling me it was her favorite. I took the doll and honestly told her it was indeed a very nice doll. She looked at me slightly puzzled again, and then, on a confidential tone, she made me promise not to repeat to her sisters what she was going to tell me. I promised of course, and becoming a little bit shy, she confided that when she was here alone she still liked to play with dolls. Happy that she had confided in me I wanted to return the favor, and told her that I used to like to play with dolls. She looked at me surprised, but then, smiling, took me by the hand once more as we left the room. We walked down the big stair in silence, but just before we joined the others she bend over and whispered in my ear: “You are weird second cousin Christian, but I like you.”
The next half hour I spend with the 3 girls, and found myself at ease in their female environment, chatting about girlie matters as if I had known them all my life. When they left I learned we would meet again the next Sunday as there was going to be a big family reunion. I was already looking forward to meeting Beth again. Jennifer, baby David and myself stayed for a quick lunch with my grandfather. We were served some magnificent home-made club sandwiches, by a very nice lady in her late fifties, who was extremely happy to see me as she had known me as a little baby.
After lunch my grandfather and David went for a nap, and Jennifer took me on a stroll through the park surrounding the family mansion, which had a large lawn going right up to the beach of Lake Michigan. The park was huge and beautiful with romantic shady walking paths and benches, and a little bit on the side, a small boathouse of which Jennifer told me it had been the place where my father, her favorite uncle, had spend most of his time. I knew my father had been a sailing fan, and had seen pictures of this boathouse, but seeing it for real was very emotional.
For the return trip home Jennifer took a more scenic road along the lake. The drive took even longer and, David becoming hungry, she stopped at a pick-nick place. Several tables were occupied and Jennifer walked up to a table somewhat separate from the others. She took out a plastic bowl with fruit mash, put the bib around David’s neck and turned towards me holding the other bib in her hand. Understanding what she was up to I panicked, looking around to see if anybody was watching us. Nobody was, but somebody could look at us any moment, so I put my hands around my neck to prevent her from putting on the bib. Jennifer, giving me a magic smile, came up to me, and gently pulled at my hands: “Come on baby, you don’t want to miss the fruit mash, do you?”
A few seconds later I had the bib around my neck and holding David on my lap, was enjoying the mash that Jennifer was spoon-feeding to both of us, as she had done a few months before at home in Europe.
When we got home Jennifer had some work to do and I played with little David. I really enjoyed building small towers that David, shrieking with laughter, then pushed over. The baby couldn’t get enough of it, and although I enjoyed causing so much merriment, after a while I began getting tired. I was kind of relieved when Jennifer announced it was time to pass at table. She had prepared sandwiches with jam that she had cut up in small pieces for both of us. And of course both her “babies” got a bib. To drink she served us milk in a cup with a beak. I was getting used to those small surprises and of course I understood what she was doing and began wondering what would be next. This was not what I had planned but strange enough I loved it.
Next was that she took us to the bathroom, undressed David and told me to undress too. It didn’t take long for both of us to be sitting in a warm bath surrounded by floating toys. She played with us, pouring water over our faces, with David shrieking with laughter again. She first washed the little baby’s hair, and then mine, before telling me to stand up so that she could wash me. Of course as had happened a couple of months before when she had washed me, my little thing got an erection, which amused her again.
And, as I had begun to hope, after the bath she diapered both of us. The feeling of the diaper being folded and tightly pinned around my legs, and of the elastics of the plastic pants snapping around my legs, was heaven. But what made it even better was the smell of the baby powder that she had copiously applied to my private parts.
When David was dressed in a cute little romper I was wondering what she had in mind for me, and I wasn’t disappointed. She had me put on a very short gingham nightdress, closing with a row of buttons in the back and with short sleeves, and even better, it came with assorted blooming baby pants. Feeling completely like a little baby girl I was overwhelmed with happiness. I flung my arms around Jenifer’s neck and hugged her very hard. She hugged me back and laughed: “I knew you would like to be my little baby girl!”
She took David in her arms, and leading me by the hand, she installed us in front of the TV, on which she played some toddlers video. While we watched the video she handed both of us a baby bottle with formula, which tasted even better than in the car. Around 9 she told us it was time to go to bed. As she put David in his cradle I climbed in my crib. Tired because of the jet lag I rolled up happily waiting for Jennifer to tuck me in. When she had done that she bent over, gave me a kiss, and plugged a pacifier in my mouth. Half asleep already I watched how she pulled up the side panel of my bed and wishing us a good night put out the lights.
The following days we spend doing some sight-seeing, going to the beach at the lake, and shopping. When away from home I was a model boy playing with the little baby, but from the moment we were home I was treated as if I was 9 months old too. She treated me exactly as she treated David, except that at night, when she had put David to bed, we had our special moment.
After the bath she gave both of us at the end of the day, she prepared David for the night with a special heavy diaper, but she told me to pull on the baby-pants without protection. When we both had finished our bottle she put David to bed and then had me lie down on the coach where she proceeded to diapering me with special care. She gently and softly applied baby powder to the whole area to be covered with the diaper. She then slipped a very large cloth diaper underneath me, together with some extra absorbent pads. She pinned the diaper tightly around my legs and had me stand up to pull up the plastic pants. I loved the feeling of that thick diaper, making me waggle when I walked. The outfit was finished with a cute, always very short, nightdress and baby-pants. When I was ready she made me sit next to her on the couch, plopped a pacifier in my mouth, and putting her arm around me, read from a children’s book.
Every night when I was sitting next to her she told me how good I smelled. And as I would do everything to please her, I told her I loved the smell and the feeling of baby powder too. From then on she took care to apply it also every morning when I got dressed after breakfast, even when I was not wearing diapers, so that soon I smelled like a little baby from morning to evening without hardly noticing it anymore.
Finding myself diapered and treated as a little baby-girl was not what I had planned, even the opposite of what I had dreamed of. But sitting on her lap, while she softly kissed and stroked me, was pure heaven. I knew I had to stop her, that otherwise my wish to be her protector and future husband, would become more and more ridiculous, but I couldn’t.
One morning, as we had done some shopping together, while she was putting David in his seat, I managed to fold the trailer and put it together with all the groceries in the trunk. She complimented me on my efficiency and, kissing me on the front, thanked me by saying she was so glad I was staying with her, that I was such a lovely boy to have around. I suddenly saw my chance, and I blurted out that I loved her, and that I could stay to live with her forever. She looked at me surprised, but also moved by what I had said. She gave me a very tender smile, took me in her arms, and said I was so sweet. My adrenaline rushed through my veins, and I hugged her very hard, thinking she was accepting my proposition. But then she freed herself and still on a very gentle tone, said I knew it was impossible, that I had to go back to my mother.
Feeling the rejection I reacted by telling her vehemently I loved my mother very much, but that I loved her more, that I wanted to stay with her forever, that I wanted to marry her and that I could be a father for little David. To my dismay she began laughing, and taking me in her arms again, she hugged me telling this was the sweetest love declaration she had ever heard. We stood there for a few seconds without moving, but then she continued on a more neutral tone: “Don’t try to grow up too fast my little angel, those are the happiest years of your life, enjoy them. You can be David’s big brother, or sister, he loves it when you play with him. And I enjoy having my two little darlings with me, seeing how well they get along.”
She bent over and whispered in my ear: “Come on, you sweet little baby, jump in the car and let’s go home, so that I can put both of you in bath” She freed herself and gave me a gentle push towards the car. As I walked away she followed me and gave me a little tap on my bottom:” I think that from now on I will put you in diapers when we are going out. I’m sure you would love that.”
Seating me in the back next to David I blushed. If I couldn’t be her man, being her little baby was not such a bad alternative. As if she had read my thoughts she helped me fasten my seat belt and popped a pacifier in my mouth.
On Sunday we went back to my grandfather’s mansion. I dressed in my ironed beige trousers, with a navy blue blazer over a dress shirt with tie. I really looked smart. When we got there the parking lot was filled with cars and everywhere we went we ran into people to whom I had to be introduced. My old uncles and aunts were very curious, and just as my grandfather the week before, wanted to know everything about my mother. They obviously still loved her very much.
When I got tired of them I went out looking for Jennifer and David but couldn’t find them. Instead I ran into Beth’s older sisters who introduced me to some handsome, broad build older cousins, with whom they had been flirting.
I asked for Beth but got as only answer that she was out there somewhere. Just as I wanted to go and look for her another cousin arrived holding a football, asking who wanted to join him for a game. I told them I didn’t know the rules of American football but that was of course a reason for them to insist to teach me the sport. I did know the basic rules and my competitive nature soon got the upper hand. Nobody paid much attention to this frail European boy who didn’t know the sport, so I ran myself free and called out to receive the ball. Probably to do me a favor the cousin holding the ball threw it in my direction, and I did a perfect catch, running as fast as I could away with the ball. It took the other players a couple of seconds to realize what I was doing, and when one of the huge players came up to me to block me, I dived underneath his arms and made a touchdown. Everybody ran over to congratulate me.
I continued for half an hour with my normal enthusiasm but now they knew that I was fast and a good catcher, so they didn’t leave me unguarded anymore. The result was that on several occasions I was thrown to the ground, and my pants and shirt were soon all dirty and stained – I had taken of my blazer and tie of course – but I didn’t care. I was only hoping that Jennifer would pass by and see how fast I was. But she didn’t, and when I noticed the disastrous condition of my clothes I even got worried that if she did, she might be mad. I excused myself and went looking for a place where I could clean up a little bit.
It was then that I ran into Beth. She was taking care of a bunch of girls between 3 and 5 years old. They were sitting on the grass surrounded by dolls and accessories they had carried outside. Beth was delighted to see me and sprang up to give me kiss: “Here you are! We have been looking all over for you.” And then turning to the girls she continued with a mischievous smile: “Look girls, this is cousin Christian that I told you about, the one who likes to play with dolls.” The girls shrieked with unbelief and merriment, and the oldest one cried out: “That’s not true. I don’t believe you. He is a boy!” For a split second I hesitated but then decided to go along with the game. Falling on my knees I picked up a large baby doll and cuddled it my arms, softly telling it to sleep: “Dodo, dodo, baby Lo, … ” The girls laughed even harder: ”She is called baby Mary, not Lo!”
I smiled, and corrected myself “Oh I’m sorry! Dodo baby Mary!” But again the girls interrupted me: “She is not ready to go to sleep. She has to be diapered first!” The next half hour the 5 of us were all absorbed playing with the dolls, when suddenly I heard Jennifer’s voice behind me: “Hi Beth, I see you have found someone to share your secret with!” While I turned around and, blushing, looked at Jennifer’s smiling face, Beth jumped up again and kissed her cousin: “Oh Jennifer, thanks for bringing him, he is so sweet!” I blushed even harder when Jennifer answered that I was even sweeter than she imagined. But Beth’s attention had shifted already to baby David in his trolley, asking if she could take him out. Jennifer said it was alright, but just for a minute as we would soon be leaving. She turned to me again, telling me to go say good bye to my grandfather. As I was leaving she held me back, and in a soft voice told me to pass by the bathroom on my way back: “It’s a long drive, and we don’t want accidents do we?” Although she said it in a very quiet voice I anxiously turned towards Beth to see if she had overheard this remark. As I turned I realized that Beth was standing right next to me, looking at me with a surprised and amused face. I blushed for the third time in a few minutes, and ran fast away.
Sitting in the car next to David returning home I was all confused. I was, sucking on a baby-bottle, wearing a bib, and that felt so right. But at the same time I was still in love with Jennifer, more than ever, and having been turned down by her did hurt. I had been very proud going to the party, smartly dressed in my trousers and blazer. When I had been the center of attention, and had made a touchdown in the football game, I had been hoping that Jennifer would have come by and would have seen what a vigorous football player I was. But instead she had found me playing with dolls. And when she had made me blush by saying I was even sweeter that Beth imagined that had made me feel happy. And I had begun to love Beth very much too. I saw her surprised face again when Jennifer had told me to go to toilet as we didn’t want to have an accident in the car. I suddenly wanted her to know I liked to wear diapers.
For the next chapter go to https://clairodon.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/memories-5/